


I'll be here for you

by Neuqe



Series: I'll hold you when things go wrong [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: 2x20 related, Canon Compliant, Fluff, M/M, Other characters get mentioned, Pining, Spoilers, but also slight angst, missing scene from the finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-16 13:02:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11829291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neuqe/pseuds/Neuqe
Summary: Simon and Jace have a chat during the party in hunter's moon





	I'll be here for you

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back with jimon! I just had to write something after the finale because we were robbed of any actual jimon scenes also this is very loosely baded on a twitter convo I had with jacky few weeks ago, so this is dedicated again for jacky <3

Hunter’s moon is packed with shadowhunters and downworlders, and it feels as if the air is buzzing with happiness.

Constant cheerful chatter, laughter and upbeat music fills in the room, and it seems as if nobody has anything to worry about in the whole world.

Jace likes the change in the atmosphere. He is not sure if he could have put up with another week of constant fear and anxiety.

He loves seeing his loved ones happy, having the time of their lives and smiling genuinely. He spots Clary and Izzy dancing in the corner, and he cannot help but smile. Simon and Maia are whispering to each other at one of the tables, and they seem to radiate happiness to the dark corner of the bar. Even Luke seems to be having fun.

Jace cannot see Alec or Magnus, but through their newly reformed parabatai bond, he can feel that he is no longer unhappy, and that is all that matters to him.

The happiness of others makes him feel almost guilty for not being in the mood for celebrating. He knows he has plenty of reasons for celebrating. Everyone he cares about are still alive, he is finally free of Valentine and miraculously he is still alive.

He should be relieved.

For some reason, he cannot get rid of the lump in his throat or shake off the feeling of hollowness inside of him.

He cannot help but think that this happiness is not meant to last. Something bad will eventually happen that will wreck their lives and destroy their newfound happiness.

He sits in front of the bar counter, keeps fidgeting with his beer bottle, and tries to ignore his own thoughts. He is grateful that people have chosen to leave him alone.

He is startled from his thoughts when someone places their hand gently on his shoulder. He turns his head to see who wants to bother him now, but he sees Simon standing next to him, grinning his megawatt smile.

Somehow, he does not mind being bothered if it is Simon who does it.

Simon lets go of his shoulder and slides to the barstool next to him. “Hey, are you alright?” His voice is soft but he still sounds genuinely concerned.

“Yeah,” Jace breathes out weakly, and nods quickly few times, and he does not know if he tries to convince Simon or himself more.

“Are you? I heard you had to do few visits to the court, that must have been unpleasant,” Jace continues, trying to steer the conversation away from him, but he cannot deny that he is worried about Simon, too.

He still feels a sting of guilt when he thinks about their last visit to the court. He might have been the one Clary desired most in that moment, but that does not mean he would have chosen Clary if he had been the one forced to choose.

He guesses he has messed up Simon’s love life enough to tell him this.

“Yeah, the queen really isn’t my favourite person right now,” Simon says and suddenly the smile on his face is replaced with a gloomier frown, but he attempts to hide it with laughter, but it is joyless.

“You had to promise something to her,” Jace guesses in a lower voice, but it sounds more of a statement than a question.

“Yeah,” Simon answers and his voice is filled with sorrow, and he seems completely defeated as he stares his own glass full of blood.

Jace does not know what to say. The deals with seelies can be tricky and atrocious, but he thinks Simon knows exactly the graveness of the situation and he does not require a reminder of it.

He cannot control the spark of worry that ignites in his own chest as well.

“If you need any help, just ask,” Jace eventually says and awkwardly gestures between them with his bottle.

“Thank you,” Simon almost whispers it, and refuses to meet his eyes, and Jace is almost grateful for it.

Silence falls between them, but it is a comfortable one.

“I heard you died,” Simon says, breaking the silence, in a way too conversational tone. “Clary refused to tell me any details, but I know from experience that dying sucks. It’s horrible and it can mess up your head so bad.”

Jace looks at Simon with a puzzled expression.

“All I’m saying is that it’s okay not to feel okay. It’s okay for you not to treat like it’s the greatest thing that has ever happened to you. It can be the worst thing and you can be ungrateful. It can be a curse too even if no one else understands it,” Simon explains quietly, fidgeting with his fingers, and only looks up when he has finished talking.

Jace is little flabbergasted by the raw honesty in his voice, and Simon stares at him with such intensity that he almost wants to look away.

“You’re the first person to tell me that,” Jace tells honestly, and clenches his beer bottle.

He can relate to Simon’s words, he recognises his own feelings in his pain, and he knows he needed to hear it, but he is not sure how to thank him for being the first one actually to acknowledge his feelings.

It is almost a little scary how accurately Simon describes his feelings.

“Not many people in our social circles have actually died,” Simon says as he glances at the other people around them, still celebrating. “It’s not their fault they don’t know how it feels.”

Jace can understand why Simon is the only one to consider his feelings after resurrection. Clary blindly believes there are no consequences because it was the work of an angel, and Alec is still too shell shocked from the sensation of their bond breaking.

Rest of his family seems to be happy he is alive, no matter what was the cost. 

Yet, there is truth to Simon’s words. He feels hollow and numb, as if he is a stranger in his own body, and he cannot help but think Clary should have used her wish for something else.

Death is something no one should mess with.

“Being alive after dying is horrible,” Jace admits, taking a long sip from his beer. As soon as the words leave his mouth, it feels as if a dam breaks in his chest.

He instantly feels a little better, knowing his feelings are valid, Simon’s face breaks into a small grin, and Jace is sure his heart somersaults.

“Team back from the dead,” Simon declares as he laughs, and attempts to toast with Jace’s beer bottle by hitting his glass against it.

“Never call us that again,” Jace answers with a glare, but he has to bite back a smile.

“It’s catchy and definitely sticking around, get used to it,” Simon says, in between his giggles, which he is unable to control.

Jace rolls his eyes, but he cannot help but think that he would like to get used Simon being around him, even if he keeps up with the horrible nicknames.

“But seriously, if you ever want to talk, I’m all ears and I’m an excellent listener,” Simon offers with a sympathetic smile and he places his hand on his shoulder again, and Jace wishes he would keep it there, but he almost immediately slides it away.

“A freaking support group for us who died and came back,” Jace mumbles into his beer bottle.

“Team back from the dead can serve as a support group,” Simon replies with a shit-eating grin, and Jace smacks his arm.

“But, uh, I appreciate the offer,” Jace tries to tell him as sincerely as he can, but he feels as if the words are failing him.

He does not know what it is about Simon, but he manages to make him feel calm. Somehow, he makes the rest of the world quiet down, and his lame jokes and constant rambling reminds him that not everything in this world has been tarnished by evil.

Simon’s smile softens, and Jace is sure his heart is about to burst.

“Well, I’m glad you aren’t dead but I’m still sorry you’re alive,” Simon says, placing his hand over his, and Jace wants him to keep it there forever even if it feels like his hand is on fire.

Simon stares into distance. “Believe or not, that sounded a lot smarter in my head, like a lot better.”

“It made perfect sense,” Jace assures, and glances at their hands that are still painstakingly close, and his hand turns cold when Simon pulls his away.

An immense grin appears on Simon’s face, his eyes are glistering with amusement, and Jace already knows what he will say.

“No,” Jace says firmly when Simon has merely opened his mouth.

“Oh c’mon, you don’t even know what I’m asking,” Simon says, unable to control his smile, and pokes Jace’s arm.

“You want a hug,” Jace says, “and it’s not happening.”

Jace has to admit that Simon has been awfully consistent and persistent on hugging him, and Jace is convinced this the tenth time they are having a variation of this same conversation.

“I know you said never, which was pretty harsh, but this is a special occasion. The downworld is saved and Valentine is defeated and for once we aren’t faced with instant death and destruction. This calls for a celebratory hug,” Simon rambles on, and Jace is enamoured by how happy he looks.

“No,” Jace repeats, shaking his head, drinking last of his beer. “Not special enough occasion,” he deadpans.

He is not actually opposed to hugging Simon, quite the opposite. It merely became their thing, an on-going joke between just the two of them, and Jace likes it more than he wants to admit. He does not want to give up on it.

Now, he fears he might fall apart if he lets Simon to hold him.

Simon looks determined, as if he would have a battle strategy forming in his mind.

“Hug me or I’ll start referring us as the team back from the dead publicly, official missions and all.”

“First of all no,” Jace says as he turns in his seat to face Simon properly, “second of all no.”

“I would do it,” Simon says, deadpan, as he keeps nodding. “It would be a constant source of entertainment for me.”

Jace knows Simon would do it, and as a soldier he knows when he is a fighting a battle he cannot win. In addition, he really needs a hug, even though he is slightly reluctant to admit it.

“Fine,” Jace replies with an exasperated sigh, and tries his very best to hide his smile, but it is more arduous task than he expected.

“Really?” Simon seems genuinely confused, as if he would not have believed he would gave in one day.

“Yes, really,” Jace says, rolling his eyes again, “if it makes you shut up.”

He is not able to refuse, when Simon is staring at him with his puppy eyes look and he would look like a kicked puppy when he refuses again, and when he feels this vulnerable and alone, he is unable to tell him no.  

He has a suspicion that Simon might need the hug almost as badly as he needs it.

“Yes, finally!” Simon exclaims with enthusiasm, stands up, and keeps staring Jace with a radiant grin and expectant stare.

“What?”

“Stand up,” Simon says, gesturing with his hand, and completely ignoring everyone else around them. “If I have one shot at this, we’re doing this properly.”

Jace groans as he hops off from his stool. He stands there for a split second before Simon’s arms are already around him.

The first thing Jace notices is that Simon is a great hugger. He holds him tightly and close, and he feels instantly safe and rest of the bar disappears.

It takes a moment for Jace to realise he has to hug him back, and he wraps his arms around him almost instinctively.

It feels _right._ It is the only way he can describe it. He thought it would be awkward, but it is nowhere near that. It is effortless. The embrace is comforting, and he feels relaxed and the hollowness fades for a moment.

It is borderline perfect.

Simon rests his chin on his shoulder, and his hair is on Jace’s face but he could not care less. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, trying to cherish the moment.

“I’m really glad you’re alive,” Simon murmurs against his shoulder.

Jace lets out a small laugh, and hugs him a little tighter.

“This hug doesn’t mean that I actually like you,” Jace says, and he is little unsure why he says it because he knows that it is the biggest lie he has told this week.

“That’s where I don’t believe you,” Simon answers smugly, and Jace can hear his smirk in his voice.

“Good,” Jace eventually whispers.

Simon makes a little happy sound, and then they both remain silent.

Jace loses the track of time, and he does not want to be the first one to let go, so they keep holding each other until Simon slowly pulls away.

“Totally worth the wait,” Simon tells him with a lopsided grin and a wink.

Jace heart flutters but he still definitely has an urge to smack his arm again, but he cannot even get the words out of his mouth, so he settles for something he hopes that resembles a nod.

“It was fun, but I gotta go. Raphael wants me to tell him what happened today so I better get going,” Simon continues rapidly and stares at the filthy bar floor instead of Jace.

Jace can smell a lie, but the way Simon has pressed his lips together is enough for him to know that Simon does not want to talk about it.

When Simon looks up from the floor, Jace realises that he did not even mean him to believe his lie.

“Good luck,” Jace says in a low voice, intending Simon to be the only one who hears it. “I meant what I said earlier. If you need me, I’ll be there.”

He would do anything for him, but Simon does not need to know that.

Simon nods, and his small half-smile is a big enough thank you for him.

Jace sits back to the barstool, and stares at Simon. He is grinning again, and Jace can see through it, but he decides to pretend not to notice, as Simon obviously wants the conversation to go to another direction.

“One day I’ll get you to hug me again,” Simon jokes, but Jace knows he is completely serious.

“No,” Jace says, laughing. “This was a one time deal, not happening again.”

One of the items on the on-going list of things that Simon does not need to know is that Jace wants nothing more than hug him again.

“You can keep thinking that,” Simon tells him whimsically, before he starts to make his way towards the door.

“Simon,” Jace calls out his name, almost accidently.

He immediately stops and turns around.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks,” Jace says, lamely, but he does not know what else to say. The English vocabulary is letting him down big time, and he does not know how to thank him for making him feel better than anyone during the whole day in the matter of minutes.

Nothing profound comes into his mind, and his gaze keeps lingering on his lips.

“Anytime,” Simon says with one of his brightest smiles, “we’re a team now.”

A warm smile creeps on his face and Jace decides he likes the idea of that. When Simon turns around and leaves, Jace is left alone to contemplate how Simon became the best thing in his life.

 

**Author's Note:**

> All the mistakes are mine and there probably are some as I wrote this during my breaks today. Also let's all pretend that jace drank from a bottle and not from a glass during the party scene. The title is from a song called "Find me" by sigma.


End file.
